A new week
Today is the first day of week 12. According to many pregnancy calculators, this is the final week of the first trimester. Others say the trimester ends after week 13. Since my next ultrasound (the nuchal fold screening) is on Monday, the last day of week 12 for me, I think emotionally I will feel that I am through the most dangerous part if everything goes well that day.
At least once every twenty minutes, I wonder if I'm still pregnant. I think I am, but there's just no way to know. For some reason this isn't scaring me much right now. I think I'm finally starting to believe that worrying about it isn't going to do any good or make any difference. Easy to say, right? But, for the most part, it's working.
My rented doppler arrived about ten days ago, but I haven't been able to find the heartbeat with it yet. I've only tried twice, because it's still a little early according to my doctor and Dr. Google (there are a lot of variables that make it pretty unpredictable how soon you'll be able to capture it). Most likely the heart is still just too tiny for me to pick it up through my belly, which is where I carry most of my weight. I am allowing myself to check for the heartbeat once a week, for about five minutes, until I hear it. After that I will probably check every single day. My next try will be on Friday of this week.
The most notable symptoms I am having at the moment are headache, a bad taste in my mouth (even immediately after brushing and mouthwash), and fatigue. I don't think I mentioned earlier, but my veins are also very visible through the skin on my arms and legs. Blue and freaky like a horror movie, but it's actually kind of cool looking. I'm still having some queasiness but nowhere near the kind of food aversions I was having four weeks ago.
I can't believe I've made it this far. If it goes bad now, it'll be very hard to take. But if everything is okay on Monday, I think I'll reset my NBHHY clock. I was awfully sad to lose the other embryo, but I would like to be able to remind myself that for the one I still have, nothing bad has happened yet.
At least once every twenty minutes, I wonder if I'm still pregnant. I think I am, but there's just no way to know. For some reason this isn't scaring me much right now. I think I'm finally starting to believe that worrying about it isn't going to do any good or make any difference. Easy to say, right? But, for the most part, it's working.
My rented doppler arrived about ten days ago, but I haven't been able to find the heartbeat with it yet. I've only tried twice, because it's still a little early according to my doctor and Dr. Google (there are a lot of variables that make it pretty unpredictable how soon you'll be able to capture it). Most likely the heart is still just too tiny for me to pick it up through my belly, which is where I carry most of my weight. I am allowing myself to check for the heartbeat once a week, for about five minutes, until I hear it. After that I will probably check every single day. My next try will be on Friday of this week.
The most notable symptoms I am having at the moment are headache, a bad taste in my mouth (even immediately after brushing and mouthwash), and fatigue. I don't think I mentioned earlier, but my veins are also very visible through the skin on my arms and legs. Blue and freaky like a horror movie, but it's actually kind of cool looking. I'm still having some queasiness but nowhere near the kind of food aversions I was having four weeks ago.
I can't believe I've made it this far. If it goes bad now, it'll be very hard to take. But if everything is okay on Monday, I think I'll reset my NBHHY clock. I was awfully sad to lose the other embryo, but I would like to be able to remind myself that for the one I still have, nothing bad has happened yet.
9 Comments:
You have way more self control than I do. I would be doppler-ing all the time. Hope you hear that little beat on friday. Also, good luck on Monday. I'm rooting for you and that little one.
Holly
p.s. Your cat is adorable. I have three cats, I love them all.
By
Wendy Orrison and Holly Snyder, at 1:01 PM
Holly, I would drive myself insane if I didn't ration the doppler. I want to keep from getting to stressed while I wait until I can hear it (which may be after it is picked up on the doppler at the doctor's office, hopefully next week).
I love cats! We just have the one, but he is 13 years old and a very good friend.
By
Susie, at 3:43 PM
Those dopplers can drive you crazy so I'm proud of you for showing such restraint. Best of luck on Monday, I'll be thinking of you!
By
Anonymous, at 5:58 PM
Susie,
I have to admit I've not been reading you as close since I moved and I missed your whole trauma until now. I am so damn sorry and still so firmly crossing my fingers as this week drags on for you.
By
Anonymous, at 8:06 PM
It's so hard not to worry even if you *know* it's wasted energy!
By
Anonymous, at 7:38 AM
Susie, I'm so happy for you that you are nearing the end of the first trimester! And I admire you for your ability to manage the worry and fear. I think you are doing wonderfully with your outlook. It is so true, worrying doesn't do any good or make any difference, and nothing bad has happened yet.
I'm hoping and praying that you will get great news on Monday. I am rooting very hard (and feeling very hopeful) for you and your baby.
By
Anonymous, at 9:50 AM
That is awesome Susie. It sounds like you're really starting to believe this. I'm glad for you.
I hope the nuchal screening goes well.
By
PJ, at 10:34 AM
That all sounds super wonderful, Susie. I look forward to the resetting of the nbhhy clock!
By
Mellie, at 1:29 PM
Good luck on Monday.
Have a great weekend.
By
Anonymous, at 3:19 PM
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