It's not a habit.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Gloom, Doom, &c.

I think this week is going to be the end of me. Or my marriage. I don't know how I'm going to get through the next five days, much less the rest of this month.

What on earth makes me think that this time will be any different from the others? Just because one of them already died doesn't mean the other one is going to live. It's like buying two lottery tickets at the same time, there's no correlation between the chances I have with either of them. And frankly, the odds do not appear to be in my favor.

I am not superstitious at all, but somehow I was unsurprised that the first bad news came at the one appointment my husband was unable to attend. Now the thought of going to this Wednesday's appointment by myself is enough to make me cry. It's such a busy time for him and I feel awful even asking, but if I go there and it's bad news, I don't know how I'm going to get home afterwards.

I don't know how much more of this stress I can take.

posted by Susie at 6:54 AM

14 Comments:

  • I don't want to give you assvice but from what I've witnessed with various friends, this vanishing twin thing happens pretty often - just most people don't know because they don't get so many ultrasounds.

    I think your husband should come with you for this next one but there should also come a time when this isn't so stressful - maybe you can ask your doctors about when you can relax about this pregnancy.

    You know, you deserve good things to happen to you as well! We out here know how large your heart is and how wonderful you are. I wish I lived closer so I could take you out to bad movies and distract you!
    take care, Penelope

    By Blogger moi, at 8:43 AM  

  • It's going to be okay. Look at how fare you've gotten already. Hang in there.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:17 AM  

  • Thinking of you... hoping everything will be fine. Wednesday come already!!

    By Blogger sweetisu, at 9:29 AM  

  • I'm so sorry, Susie. You can do this, though. You totally can. Good luck on Wednesday!

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:08 AM  

  • I just said to Frank yesterday, that maybe I should try to go to the appointment with you. I was trying to figure out ways of getting up there by myself as Frank is working.

    You know that if my circumstance was different I would be there holding your hand!!! And I am mad that I can't just do it.

    Every thing you are going through is so overwhelming right now. Trying to stay positive, while dealing with a loss.

    Your marriage will survive this. I know that for a fact. And Dr. T will be there with you to walk you through this on Wednesday. I think as someone suggested already that you should talk to him about your fears. Let him know what you are going through.

    Thinking of you!!

    By Blogger Amanda, at 10:33 AM  

  • Susie, I wish this were easier for you. Ask your husband to come with you on Wednesday. Tell him you're scared and that it would mean alot, but if he can't you understand. Maybe he'll be able to finagle it.

    Try not to wallow in the gloom & doom. Right now, there is still much to be cheerful and happy about. Big hugs.

    By Blogger Mellie, at 11:44 AM  

  • Oh, Susie, I'm so sorry that you lost one of the babies! Last week, I was without Internet access, and when I came here to check on how you're doing, I was so sad to see your news about the baby who stopped developing. How heartbreaking.
    It's wonderful that the remaining baby is doing well, but that doesn't negate your loss in any way. I know that both babies were very precious to you.
    I understand why you're feeling like doom and gloom right now, after all you have been through. But the past does not determine the future, and the baby who is still developing seems to be doing very well.
    I understand why you're having trouble feeling hopeful, but I'm feeling hopeful for you.
    I wish there was something I could do to make this easier for you. Since I can't, I'm keeping you, your husband, and your baby in my prayers.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:17 PM  

  • I continue to be amazed how strong we all are. Good luck. You are amazing.

    By Blogger Eggs Akimbo, at 12:51 PM  

  • How can you not be worried, but this pregnancy doesn't have to go like that past ones. I hope your husband can come with you. If good thoughts can help, know that there are a lot with you.

    By Blogger Cathy, at 2:21 PM  

  • As you know, I understand completely. I'll be holding your hand long distance...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:01 PM  

  • It completely sucks, but you can do it - unless you're close to me in which case I'll come with you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:37 PM  

  • Sweetie I'm so sorry this is happening. Just keep on asking for the help that you need, which includes asking your husband to come on weds. You know everything will probably be fine, but you need to let yourself grieve for your lost twin, and give yourself the time to do that.

    I will be thinking of you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:24 PM  

  • I am so sorry, but I am really hopeful for you, all at the same time. After what you've been through, it seems there is no escape from being strung out with fear for the whole 40 weeks. I don't know how you get through that. But I think your thriving baby will be OK. Thriving at more than nine weeks, with a good heartbeat - that is GOOD.

    And like you say, it's NOT a habit :)

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:02 PM  

  • Hi, Susie. It's Wednesday, and I know you have your appointment today. I hope your husband is able to go with you. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Please give us an update when you feel up to it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:28 AM  

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