The tale of a test.

Last year around this time, I was charting. We were living in Germany then, and we'd planned a vacation to Italy for the end of May. I saw my temps drop the week before we left on vacation, so even though I hadn't gotten my period yet, I knew I wasn't pregnant. My cycle is notoriously irregular, so I wasn't too worried about my period.

So we went down to Italy and had a grand old time, drinking red wine every day, climbing bell towers, hiking in the Tuscan hills. What a dream.

A couple of weeks after we got back to Germany, I realized how long it had been since my last period. Like, a really, really long time. A little niggling though crept in. What if I'm pregnant? I thought about all that wine I'd drunk in Tuscany. Oops.*

I hadn't bought any pregnancy tests since we moved to Germany in 2002, but I thought I'd brought some from the US. Back before we moved, we were actively trying (Clomid cycles) and I had stocked up at drugstore.com. I finally found the test, the last one in a multi-pack, at the back of the linen cabinet. Yeah, it had expired 14 months earlier, but I figured I might as well use it.

Negative, of course.

I went on a week or so and then I thought, hey, I still don't have my period. I was out in the city so I stopped into the Apotheke (pharmacy) to get a test. Now I have to explain something about pharmacies in Germany. Over-the-counter means "over-the-counter." In other words, if you want any kind of medication, even ibuprofen, Claritin, cough syrup, or Visine, you have to walk up to the counter and ask for it. There is no such thing as a store where all that stuff is out on the shelves and you can just pick up what you want. Not at the grocery, not at the pharmacy. Not at Wal-Mart. Even at the "Drogerie Markt," which looks like a Walgreens or something at first glance, there's no actual pharmacy in there. It's just for health and beauty stuff. Personal care items.

Basically, if you want any kind of medication, even what US consumers consider to be "harmless" self-treatments, you have to waltz your ass into an Apotheke and talk to the lady behind the counter. Who will probably try to convince you that you really don't need a twenty-pack of Aleve, that the 7-pack will meet your needs just fine. Or that you would do just as well (or even better) with a homeopathic remedy instead. Did I mention that most of the pharmacies sell homeopathic remedies right alongside the real medication?

(Sorry, homeo fans.)

So anyway, I walked into the Apotheke, trying to figure out what the word for "pregnancy test" might be. I speak fairly decent German, but I'd never had to use the word before and so I didn't know it. But I knew the German word for "pregnant" was "schwanger," so I figured maybe I could add "-heit" to that (kind of like "-ness" in English) to make "pregnancy" (ie, pregnant-ness) and then just add "test," which is one of those English words that has crept into German. So I prefaced it by saying that I wasn't sure if this was the right word, but I needed a "Schwangerheitstest." The lady behind the counter looked confused for a moment, then asked if I was looking for a Schwangerschaftstest. Yep, that'd be it.

So she went to the back and brought one out. Yes, one. I asked, and they only sold one-packs (have I mentioned that Germany has the lowest birthrate in all of Europe?). Well hey, it only takes one, right? Ha ha. So she gave me some advice -- the Apotheke lady always has advice for you. Like, I didn't need to use first morning urine, but I did have to pee on it for at least 6 seconds. No problem, I'm an old hand at these. Maybe it's been a couple of years, but it's like riding a bike, right? The recurrent miscarrier never forgets how to use a home pregnancy test. So I finally got out of there, clutching my hard-won Schwangerschaftstest.

Also, it was freakin' expensive!

Despite the Apotheke lady's advice, I had every intention of waiting until the next morning to test. But about an hour later, I suddenly felt a very urgent need to pee. Okay, I thought, why not? I'll go ahead and use it. So I broke out the stick and glanced at the instructions (really, HPTs speak a universal language), but I didn't waste much time because I really had to go.

Or so I thought.

I probably peed for about four seconds. And only about 1.5 seconds' worth hit the stick. After a minute or so of obsessively watching the little window, it became clear that it wasn't enough to get any kind of reading. So I'd just wasted my 11 Euro (yes, almost $15), and I still didn't know if I was pregnant.

This time, it was PERSONAL. I went back out, to a different Apotheke. The good thing is, these places are tiny, and there are a couple in every city block. Because that Apotheke lady WILL remember you, and I just couldn't stand the thought of having her wondering if I got a result I didn't like, and I was trying again. Or if I was just too dumb to take a pregnancy test unsupervised (which, you know, wasn't really that far from the truth). So I went into a different Apotheke, and this time I knew the word Schwangerschaftstest, and I dropped another 11 Euro and got ready to try again.

The next morning I took the test first thing, and it was immediately positive. Very positive. So began pregnancy/miscarriage #4.

* Incidentally, my German doctor told me not to worry about the wine I drank in Italy. She seriously just waved it off. And I still believe she was right. I think unless you are drinking at alcoholic proportions, or continuing it all the way through your pregnancy, it's not going to make that big a difference. When I did finally miscarry the next month, it was due to Trisomy 22, and the wine had absolutely nothing to do with that.

* * *

Pregnancy/miscarriage #5 (earlier this year) also began with HPT hijinks. I took four HPTs at days 13, 14, 15, and 18 post-IUI. I used a combination of EPT and First Response (my favorite). All the tests were negative. Almost three weeks later, I got a positive beta. WTF?

Anyway, I have a pretty spotty track record with HPTs, and I don't put much faith in them.

That said, this morning (14 days post IUI), both EPT and QuickVue said YES.

Beta is tomorrow.