How it feels to be different
Ha. HA. I know I'm not the only one who finds themselves laughing grimly at the idea of "planning pregnancies."
The whole time I was pregnant, I never felt like a "normal" pregnant woman. It stressed me out to be around those happy, hopeful women who never had a doubt that things would go fine. I found it much more comfortable to talk to my fellow pregnant infertiles and miscarriers, the ones who understood the gallows humor and the constant need to add "...if everything goes okay," even as late as the ninth month.
Even at the time, I wondered whether I'd still feel the same after the baby arrived.
When I'm around other women with babies, I can't help but feel the difference between them and me. I'm older than most of them, thanks to my long wait. But that's just part of it. They talk about when they're planning to have the next one, and when they ask me I just have to say, "We'll see." I sometimes explain our situation, but honestly I don't like the pity I see in their eyes when they hear about the problems we had. It just makes me feel more different.
But most of the time, I just feel like a mom. Baby smiles and spit-up are great equalizers. This little boy is the most charming, demanding person I've ever met, and I am in love. And I don't think there's anything different about that.
The whole time I was pregnant, I never felt like a "normal" pregnant woman. It stressed me out to be around those happy, hopeful women who never had a doubt that things would go fine. I found it much more comfortable to talk to my fellow pregnant infertiles and miscarriers, the ones who understood the gallows humor and the constant need to add "...if everything goes okay," even as late as the ninth month.
Even at the time, I wondered whether I'd still feel the same after the baby arrived.
When I'm around other women with babies, I can't help but feel the difference between them and me. I'm older than most of them, thanks to my long wait. But that's just part of it. They talk about when they're planning to have the next one, and when they ask me I just have to say, "We'll see." I sometimes explain our situation, but honestly I don't like the pity I see in their eyes when they hear about the problems we had. It just makes me feel more different.
But most of the time, I just feel like a mom. Baby smiles and spit-up are great equalizers. This little boy is the most charming, demanding person I've ever met, and I am in love. And I don't think there's anything different about that.
7 Comments:
I clicked on the link. Gah!
Sometimes I want to bash heads when I hear talk of spacing and ideal dates and sex preferences. And then I think maybe it's not so bad that we live in a world that is very optimistic about reproduction. It would probably be very depressing if everyone were like us. Imagine the advertising for baby clothes! "Your baby is due in two days. Have you thought about the eventuality that it may be born? Because it looks like it might be. Would you like to invest in a set of clothes just in case? Remember: you can return it anytime!"
I'm so glad you're in love, my dear. He's a cutie all right.
By
Anonymous, at 6:29 AM
Susie, I am so glad that overall, after all you have been through, you just feel like a mom...and I'll bet you're a wonderful mom. I'm so glad that have your son. It not only makes me feel happy for you, but it also makes me feel hopeful that it could all work out for me eventually, too.
Also, thanks for the kind comments that you left on my blog; I truly appreciate that you're in my corner.
By
Anonymous, at 1:26 PM
Thanks for helping me feel a little more normal. I've been saying "if everything goes okay" constantly. I'm at 20 weeks after 3 miscarriages and 7 years of trying. At this point I'd just as soon people didn't even know I am pregnant but that's becoming impossible. I always feel like I'm being judged for "not being excited enough..."
By
Anonymous, at 9:28 PM
Double gah on that link! How foreign a concept - to be able to "plan" such a thing!
Anyway, I hear ya on the feeling "different" stuff. As time goes on though I'm feeling more equal- the babe has a way of making you forget all that came before. More pics please!!
By
Anonymous, at 8:54 AM
When I had my first miscarriage, I was asked "was the pregnancy wanted"? And I have a colleague (2 daughters, very much not planned in her early 20s!) who said of another colleague (mid-30s) "oh, that pregnancy was planned down to the last minute". I really felt like saying "sometimes you just can't plan these things".
I lost your blog, because I un-bookmarked it after you announced you were moving over to the other site. I'm glad you're still here too - I have two blogs, one for angst and one for everyday life, and I guess it makes me feel reassured that you still have angst after such a nice little boy!
By
DrSpouse, at 6:51 AM
I know I'm late in commenting, but Congratulations Mom and Dad! your son is just the cutest guy ever
By
Anonymous, at 12:04 PM
I know exactly what you mean. We were at a bbq yesterday and our friends were talking about trying for baby number two in the summer. ALL my best girlfriends from school back in Australia basically said "We want a baby, I think I'll go off the pill" and then one to two months later they were with child!
By
Eggs Akimbo, at 5:28 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home