Nothing much new to report

Oh, God. September 12 already? Time is really flying by here.

Work is very busy. I had to travel for a meeting last week, which was more strenuous than I expected. This week I have a lot of follow-up stuff to do, although I'm still so beat from the travel that I'm really not having a very productive Monday. Therefore, I blog.

Tomorrow will be 19 weeks. I had a small amount of spotting over the weekend while I was still out of town, but it stopped on its own by yesterday afternoon, so I didn't call the doctor. The heartbeat was audible this morning via doppler, so I assume all is still well.

Thursday is the level II ultrasound. My husband had to travel unexpectedly for business this week, so he won't be there. I'm trying not to think about what happened the last time he had to miss an ultrasound, but hopefully it won't be so dramatic this time. I expect they will be able to confirm the sex, which we learned a couple of weeks ago during our Emergency Room ultrasound. (It's a boy.)

Someday soon I should be able to feel movement. They say it happens between 18 and 22 weeks, but I am jealous of people who start to feel it at 16 or 17 weeks. Come on, come on, come on!

Mostly I've been feeling a lot better. For those who have asked lately when the worry will start to go away, my answer is that it happened somewhere in the second half of the 4th month. I wouldn't say I never have DBTs anymore, but they are much rarer than they were even a month ago. I still use the doppler an average of once a week or so, and I don't get freaked out if I don't find the heartbeat right away. My doctors have been very encouraging and optimistic, and that makes me feel a lot calmer too. Mostly it's just knowing that I'm almost halfway through, and feeling the weeks start to go by faster and faster. That's helping a lot.

Still, even with a much more positive outlook in general, a couple of weeks ago I was feeling very down. I know a big part of it was my response to the hurricane, but the rest of it was related to the pregnancy, and concerns about transitioning from IF to possible parenthood. Feeling so low got me worried about postpartum depression. My doctors already warned me that I had a few risk factors for it, such as my prior miscarriages and my age, and I would add to that a due date in early February. I always tend to get a little down in the wintertime. And it scares me. Because this is something I've wanted for so long, and I want to enjoy it when it happens.

So I've decided to go and find a therapist now. My first appointment is Thursday, after the ultrasound. I figure that having a few appointments now will give her a baseline understanding of my issues and who I am, and then if I need to talk to her in February it will be easy enough to start going again. And hey, I've got enough issues with the pregnancy itself to keep us busy until then, if need be. I found someone who does a lot of work on family dynamics, so that should help me get ready as well. I am feeling good about taking this positive step.

And that's the update from the end of the 18th week. I am looking forward to NEXT Tuesday, when I can write and say I'm halfway through.