Musings on Doctors

Today I went to see my (new) primary care physician because of a bad cold I've had for the last week or so that seems to have turned into a sinus infection. It is always so weird to me when I go to the regular doctor and they ask those questions... am I on any medications, when did I last have blood work done, etc. They can't tell by looking at me that I'm a professional patient. So I just came out and said it, that I'm being treated for recurrent pregnancy loss at the medical school. I didn't get much response to that from this guy, but I did get the antibiotics I went for, so I guess I can't complain too much.

I feel like I see doctors all the time, like I spend several hours a month sitting in waiting rooms. Well, I feel that way because I do. But the ones I see aren't looking at the big picture. They don't get farther than the beta, the fsh, the ultrasound. I remember one time awhile back, being shocked that I had gone two years without having a pap smear. It seemed like someone was sticking something in there every other week, how could it be possible that I hadn't had a checkup in that long? But then I realized, I hadn't seen the gynecologist since I got the referral to my RE. And the RE's not checking that stuff.

So I don't know if I'll stay with this primary care physician or not. I really would rather see a woman, but it's not like I go there much anyway. My last PCP had a nurse practitioner that I always saw, and I remember she had a miscarriage around the same time I had my first one. Of course, a year later I went back and she was out on maternity leave. I quite liked her, but we've moved to another part of the state since then and that office is not very convenient to where we live now.

If I ever stay pregnant long enough to graduate from my RE, I'll also have to find a new OB/GYN. I'm not looking forward to that one bit. I left my last one here in the US in a rage after my second miscarriage and told them I was never coming back. I didn't hold them responsible for the miscarriage at all, but I couldn't deal with their insensitivity while it was happening. They handled the whole situation very, very badly. Why is it that a doctor can't just look you in the eye and say "I'm sorry for your loss"? I felt like the biggest freak in the world because I had dared to have two miscarriages in seven months, and it seemed like nobody in that office wanted to talk to me or look at me. It might have been a wonderful practice to go to if you were having a normal pregnancy, but they had absolutely no idea how to deal with someone who was having a problem. It still makes me angry, four years later!